After curfew they’ll give chase, but linger too long near a cop during daylight hours and they’ll demand to search you. The police will do what they can to stop you. Each sale increases your respect in a given area, and when combined with the quality of your product this allows you to charge more and reach more buyers. You can organise your workstation with mixing boards and containers, labelling and colouring certain bottles so you can more quickly grab your crack when it’s needed. This drugs preparation stage is, like so much of Drug Dealer Simulator, unexpectedly complex and open to customisation. Leave it too long and somebody else might swipe the goods, leaving you out of pocket to a cartel, which movies and television reliably inform me leads nowhere good.įrom there you can cut your supply with things like baking powder bought from the local gas station before packaging up your personalised product in baggies, interacting with clients through your dark web connected laptop to arrange sales at meeting spots around the city. Instead he’ll leave a dead drop somewhere in the city – in a bin, under a bush, inside an air vent – which you’ll have to track down and retrieve. A consummate professional and proponent of social distancing, he’ll never hand over large quantities of weed and amphetamines to you in person. So, you buy your drugs wholesale from a man called Eddie, a cartel representative who, along with your abrasive inner monologue, forms the game’s opening tutorial. It’s the kind of graphical pathos somebody who actually does smoke a lot of weed wouldn’t be arsed to include, so it’s a pleasant surprise to find it here in a game whose opening title screen includes the warning that it contains content “inappropriate for whining bitches”. Overhead you can spy passenger jets tracing thin white contrails across the sky, an unexpectedly pretty detail, a symbol of escape evoking the sense that the world outside of this forgotten place is thriving. It’s set in a deserted district of some economically battered city, populated by what seem to be animated mannequins who roam aimlessly through abandoned streets and stand motionless in rusted playgrounds like sad ghosts with unfinished business in the mortal plane. Drug Dealer Simulator is a game in which you sell illegal narcotics to dead-eyed clients in order to fund a lavish lifestyle living in a threadbare apartment with just a cupboard, a laptop, a drug prepping station and a grotty stove for company.īut unlike so many other drug-based games – which invariably have the aesthetic, depth and production quality of those crappy Ebaum’s World Flash games you’d play during computer science lessons while the teacher was out – this is an unexpectedly well put together thing with plenty to do. Okay relax, you’re not really being arrested – the bong was full of harmless nicotine – but it is my legal requirement to scare you all straight before we talk about this week’s Premature Evaluation. You had it all and you threw it all away for a taste of that sweet, sweet mousse, you dang idiot. Time to apologise to the queen and spend the best years of your life behind bars, brewing Pinot Grigio in a toilet cistern and swapping cartons of Marlboros for posters of Raquel Welch, or whatever it is that goes on in prisons. Drugs are illegal and you’ve just broken the law, Cheech. Would you like a toke? Please have as much as you like, I’ve already doobied myself up to the rafters. Whatever you call the good gravy that police hate, we can all agree that it’s incredibly fun to have a crazy drugs party, right? In fact, all this talk of drugs reminds me! Last night I found an entire bong’s worth of marijuana in a wheelie bin behind my local Tesco Express. well go on, maybe you can take a shot at guessing this one all by yourself.ĭrugs. This week, he's not inhaling in Drug Dealer Simulator, a game about. Premature Evaluation is the weekly column in which Steve Hogarty explores the wilds of early access.
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